The bible describes Jesus conversing with many people. Many of them are very different from him. Yet he bonds with them, and they with him. Let’s look at one such story. In John 4, Jesus meets a Samaritan woman at the well. He asks her for help – a drink of water. (It is a common practice for Jesus to ask people he meets for help – we can learn from that.) His question leads them into conversation.
Imagine meeting a woman with five husbands. That was true of this woman. The conversation turns to what Jesus calls living water – a water that satisfies all thirst. Who wouldn’t be interested in that? Voila. The two are talking about something that they have discovered in common. Living water. The woman knows this water is holy, and her conversation reveals this. Now they are talking about the gifts of loving creation bestowed upon us all. This conversation inspires the woman to announce the presence of a prophet. She is convinced that Jesus is a prophet.
Consider this. How easy it is to see someone and consider how very different they seem to be from us. Perhaps we perceive that difference to be so strong that we do not want to speak with them. Is that good? Is that holy? Is that spiritual? Is there any listening in that?
Jesus elected to explore what they had in common and to zero in on it. Living water. But it could have been food, it could have been joy, it could have been hope – even hope for peace, it could have been many things, basic things, that most people care about. And rather than start talking, he asks for help. He lets the stranger talk. And he responds in ways that open, little by little, to the hope that we might all accept and love one another.
Jesus does not use the word love. He does not have to. He has spoken of something so good, so desirable: living water – water that will quench all thirst. And he, Jesus, is willing to share it right now. Not hoard it. Not ask for payment or to meet some expectation first. He is open, trusting, and sharing.
I have worked with many groups, including many stressed and conflicted groups. I have worked as a facilitator tasked with achieving as much trust and collaboration as possible. Where do I start? Some little introduction. Then, we talk about what is important to us, what matters most. Voila. What matters most to most people is not so dissimilar as people imagine. People care about and often long for: peace, integrity, simplicity, togetherness, respect. We all want these things – or most of us do.
Jesus knew we all want these things. He did not have to shift to a metaphor of living water but that worked well enough. He might have asked: Tell me, what matters most to you? Such a question is so rarely asked. And yet, people are swept off their feet by it. How sweet to think about it. And most will answer it in trust.
Trust. The very thing we are looking for in groups as a building block for collaboration and effective communication.
Tell me, what matters most to you? Listen. Seek to understand. Then slowly build a vibrant back and forth. Then, encourage the other to ask someone else. Move it around the room. Then ask: What did we learn? What have you heard? Does anything surprise you? Do you hear living water? Do you hear: We have a lot in common – much more than we thought – and especially about those things in our lives that matter the most. Now we can go somewhere.
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